4 months to Louisville (10/11/2015)!

When I signed up for this Ironman last fall my first thought was “how exciting”.  That quickly turned to panic, fear and anxiety.  And every time I thought about the actual Ironman day I would have these same feelings.   A lot of times the panic resulted in some hyperventilating, shaking and I won’t leave this out – there have been a few tears.  I was prepared to do the work and want to do the work to reach this goal but, I realized I could not actually think about the actual Ironman day.  So – I have been blocking it out for all these months.   I am able to think about parts of the day, or think about certain stages of the day but, when I let myself think about the whole day it freaked me out.  I had thoughts of “What makes you think you can do this?  Are you nuts?”  Not a healthy or productive way to live and work for something so big!

This morning I woke up – I realized it was June 11^th and only 4 months to Louisville.  MAJOR BREAKTHOUGH!  I didn’t freak out, I didn’t feel fear or anxiety, and I didn’t panic.  Instead I smiled, got excited, and for the first time am anticipating 10/11/2015!  So I have spent many moments today actually thinking about this IM day.  I have not once reached the level of fear/anxiety/panic that I usually get. 

What changed?  I don’t know.

But, I do know that I am feeling much more confident.  I have an awesome coach who has helped me get stronger, faster and more fit.  He has given me workouts that push me outside my comfort zone, workouts that I would never even consider doing on my own.   And – I can do them!  In the beginning, I ALWAYS questioned my ability and wondered “how am I going to do that” or “I don’t know if I can do that”.  But, I always did them and did them better than I expected.   Now when these workouts show up on my plan, I don’t question if I can do them – I have the confidence to know that I can do them, and I look forward to them. 

Fear/Anxiety vs. Excitement/Anticipation…   Excitement/Anticipation wins!  Will I experience the fear/anxiety again – probably – it’s a freakin’ Ironman!  But, I now know that I can also feel excitement!  I like that feeling much better!

Watch out Louisville - Here I come!! :)